Stuck on Stupid
What do you get when you mix a paranoid procrastinating perfectionist with a web designer, a mentor and a best friend?
No this is not the beginning of some corny joke It’s the story of a website that took 2 years to be born. And yes I say BORN versus made because this has been birthing process. We have the doula played by the best friend, the surgeon by the mentor and the birthing partner/web designer who tried their hardest but in the end this baby was to be a solo mission.
I hope you like a long story told long because I simply can not tell a long story short (ask my dh). So we open the scene in November of 2011 and I contracted a web designer to work on the latest installation of my website. SisterShineLife®Coaching was 2 yrs old at the time and I wanted to roll out a new and improved site with all the bangs and whistles to celebrate it (my best friend/doula can testify that I love a reason to party!)
So web designer / birthing partner and I began to have correspondence about what kind of website I wanted. Well at the time I didn’t know that the web designers purpose was to create the site that you want (in retrospect I see) I believed he would be able to create the site that I wanted-without me knowing and clearly expressing what I wanted.
Hmmm. How well do you think that worked??? Wanna take a guess? Not well at all. But I have to say that for the web designer gave it more than his all- but he didn’t know that he was up against the 3 p’s. paranoia procrastination and perfection. Where any one of these issues would have stymied the growth of our project all three put together made for a crock pot full of stagnation.
Best friend slash doula was there from before the beginning (if thats even such a thing). She endured the long laborious hours of self-doubt and questions and disbelief that this could be possible she offered support of all kinds at all times of the day or night for ALMOST 2 yrs! This is why she has the title BF she has earned it through thick and thin. She was the first person I thought to call when this baby was ready for the world because I know she understands the blood, sweat and tears that went into this. And all I had to wade thru in my own heart and mind to finally understand what the problem was.
Mentoring sister/surgeon plays a smaller but very important role (as cord cutter) but she too was present from the beginning to the end. She too witnessed the crazy emotional roller coaster ride I was putting myself and others through and she wisely- like the Wise woman she is, declined to actively participate in the drama I was creating for myself. She simply offered the advice to cut the cord.
Yes, we finally get to the lesson- all of this is to share with you how only when I OWNED that I was creating this drama for myself was I able to move beyond my own stagnation. I was literally stuck on stupid.
You see stupid was the “S” word in my family. You weren’t allowed to be stupid, if something or someone was deemed “stupid” he, she or it was forever doomed to the abysmal pit of the ignorant and unlearned never to rise and redeem oneself !! I am a teacher, I was a stellar student, anything I wanted to learn I could (except for physics but that doesn’t count because it was “stupid” anyway 😉 So how come I couldn’t figure out this website thing.
You see Wise women are of few words (inshaAllah one day I aspire to have reached this pinnacle 😛 ) my mentor simply said “Tamara, it doesn’t take 2 yrs to build a website, this is about something else”. At first I denied it, but really it was taking that long no matter how much I wanted to be finished. So I accepted she was right yet I still couldn’t get what that something else was.
Then it hit me.
My inner and outer were in total misalignment and it took a wise woman to help me step aside and see myself. I kept saying I wanted and needed help to do this but deep inside I really wanted to do it myself to prove I wasn’t stupid.
Paranoia Procrastination and Perfection
Fear of the unknown.
Fear of making a decision.
Fear of being wrong.
Fear is the inverse of faith.
So how was I, the CEO and Founder of SisterShineLife® showing my faith? I wasn’t I was too afraid. Afraid of the unknown, afraid of making a decision, and afraid of being wrong so I would work and work and rework some more. But it was never enough because we are human and Allah didn’t create us to be perfect. He created us imperfectly so we could seek His perfection. This is what I was seeking all along His perfection. This is what we all are seeking in our inner most being.
I could continue to berate and battle myself or I could leave perfection to Allah and His messenger and work on being excellent. This is ihsaan -striving for excellence doing the best that you can, putting your best foot forward as if you see Allah for verily He sees you.
I send out my most sincere and heartfelt JazakaAllahuKhyrun to my best friend, the web designer and my mentor. May Allah bless you all in your endeavors and continue to give you the best in this life and the next. You all played part in the birthing of my brand new “baby” and I truly appreciate and love you all for the sake of Allah.
And to state the obvious, no it doesn’t take 2 yrs to build a website- that’s just stupid! LOL!! alhumdulillah
Creating your SisterShineLife® with love,
p.s. Learn from the best paranoid procrastinating perfectionist if you need help seek it. Let my experience help you off your roller coaster ride.